終焉
So now that the day is finally here, I want to take a moment to share a few things I've been thinking about.
I've put it off and avoided it, but I'd like to take this opportunity to give a few of my thoughts to Kagrra, and what it means to me. As I'm sure most? some? of you know, Kagrra, is my favourite band, and there's a reason for that as well. I almost avoided Jrock altogether, as it's not really something that appealed to me, but when I first heard them, I quickly became a fan. I found the entire rock scene in Japan like another planet; very interesting to learn about, but not something I belonged to. Hell, at the time Kagrra, would only let women into their lives, so to attach myself to such a band, it was embarrassing to talk about.
What did appeal to me, however, was what I encountered when I began seeing Kagrra, fans both online and off. I got exposed to Kagrra, through my mother, whose career/hobby/obsession is traditional Japanese demons and monsters, and weird old poetry about them from the Heian period. So when my hobby of sorting through my feelings by writing manifesto-like blog entries came about, and I'd happen across people saying "What does this mean? What is this reference?", the irritating know-it-all aspects of myself would kick into high gear, and I'd be able to answer their questions. I liked to blog about funny things (especially in the eccentric and confusing rock community), historical Japanese films, and traditional Japan. Sound familiar?
Some point along the way, the members of Kagrra, held an interview where they expressed a want to spread their music, and the information on the ancient Japanese spirit, throughout the world. I saw many replies to this, among them quite a few international fans saying that they wished they could understand the Japanese (not to mention Japanese wondering what the hell some of these kanji Isshi was most likely making up were). Having firmly decided that I had no talent to be in my own rock band, or Kabuki, or even a teacher, anything that would put me in front of people and leave me to my own misguided devices, I decided to start writing in English, and it was my deepest wish to be able to at least use the ability of understanding the eccentricities of Kagrra, and odd Japanese things that I could share them, and in that way, have something to do, something to work towards.
When things got tough, I found solace in being able to type and type and type and type, organise my thoughts, and write about Japanese culture and other things I liked. I don't know how many people read my blog, but I try to keep all of my entries accessible and public so that those who want to, can. I hope that it's brought amusement, information, or even awakened a passion in you to learn. I've begun to focus on writing about the things I want to, instead of the things I think I should, but it's still a bit off. I want to be clear.
Through this time I've actually made several decisions about my life. I think I want to do this. I can't teach, I won't, but I'd like more than anything to be able to continue to spread information about my interests and my country throughout the world, the way Kagrra, has. Maybe I'll translate literature, maybe I'll work in a museum, I'd like to be a scholar or a special guest lecturer on Japanese history or art. I still don't know, but I have plenty of time.
So now that Kagrra, has reached their glorious demise, I'd like to take a moment to thank them for all of their hard work, and for inspiring their fans to learn about many Japanese traditions and thoughts that are still endangered, but most of all I personally would like to thank Kagrra, for inspiring one aimless, talentless boy to work through stress and anger and hard times in life by focusing on the things that matter. I tried to rebel, at one point I even tried to denounce my own religion, but something seemingly as silly and inconsequential as a flamboyant rock band and their preservation of things that people start to forget has compelled me to do the same.
I don't have much talent; but I do have knowledge and a passion to share.
So as Kagrra, has met their demise, I will invoke my rebirth.
Even if they are gone, I hope everyone will still continue to support them and be their fan, and even garner new ones. And I will still use them as a jumping-off point to talk about traditional things, and still explain their lyrics and their cultural homages, and their amazing music, because they should never be forgotten, and will still be in a full presence here. I hope you, whoever you are, if you are a fan of them, or a fan of Japan, will find interest in my never-ending work to spread information, humour, alleviate my stress, whatever I choose to do in this blog. I'd just like you to know that I will work very hard, and it's important to me.
In their stead I will dedicate myself to educating others, as well as furthering my own. After all, I'm nobody special. Or as Isshi would say, I only come alive when you read my words, however far away and insignificant I may be.
Onward, to the future, through the past!!
